


Like to Be You.

by shawnslittlepeach



Series: SM3 [1]
Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 11:12:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18445379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shawnslittlepeach/pseuds/shawnslittlepeach
Summary: //Track 5// You and Shawn have a very complicated relationship with some blurred lines.





	Like to Be You.

* * *

It was an amicable breakup. No bad blood, no secrets or betrayal. The two of you just grew up.   
You had been close friends for years before you ever started dating. So when you did it was only a natural progression. And when you broke up, well it was hard for anything to change. You’d always been a part of one another lives, it was hard to end that. It may have been a bit awkward at the start, but now two years the fact, it was back to how it’d always been.  
You’d gone out with a couple of friends for drinks after a busy week, not enough to get drunk, only enough to relax. But when you tried to call for a Lyft on your own, Shawn Wasn’t having it. Boyfriend or not, your safety was always important to him.   
When you arrived at your place you asked him to come up hanging out for a few hours, nothing out of the ordinary. You just wanted to hang out with a friend.   
When you stepped through the doors of your apartment however you noticed a change in Shawn. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it but tried your best to let it go. 

You dumped your keys in the small dish near the door, telling him to make himself at home while you went to change into something more comfortable. When you arrived back you saw him sitting in one of the stools at the counter of your small kitchen.   
“You want something to eat? Grilled cheese?”   
“Depends, are you going to burn it.” He teased giving, throwing you that smirk that still makes you blush.   
“One more smart ass comments like that and you won’t be getting anything.”   
“Alright, yeah. I’ll get one.”   
Your grilled cheeses were legendary and had always been your go-to munchie food. And no matter how ‘crisp’ you’d made them, Shawn always ate it.   
“Thanks for getting the Lyft.”    
“No problem. I couldn’t let you go by yourself.”   
“Always looking out for me? Huh?”  
“Yeah.” he chuckled, with a shy smile.   
While you cook, you try to talk about work, and joke like the two of you always do, but you can see that there’s still something nagging at him. You want to ask, you really do, but you don’t. You continue to pretend like everything’s fine like you’ve been doing for the last two years.   
Apparently, you were pretty good at it. Everyone around you two was shocked at how easy it was for you to make that transition between friends, to lovers, to friends again. Some of your friends thought that it was too soon for you to even think about being in the same circle again. As if it were something that could be avoided. You had had the same circle of friends for the better part of five years, and neither of you wanted to have them pick sides. Regardless, they didn’t want you to get your hopes up. That may be something would change and you could fall back into his arms, but you knew better. You and Shawn had your time. It was amazing while it lasted, but it didn’t. And that was okay.  
Once the grilled cheeses were finished, you left the dishes in the sink to be cleaned later and moved the conversation to the couch. He seemed to finally relax.   
“You know what I really regret?” He questioned, casually. Like this wasn’t the beginning of a very dangerous conversation.   
He smiles over at you, and the look in his eyes is one you’d not seen in nearly two years. One you’d come to terms that you’d never see again.   
“Regret about what?” your voice comes out in a whisper, too scared to here the answer you already know.  
“Us.”   
“There’s nothing to regret, Shawn. We just grew up ya know?” You’ve talked about this more than you should have, and you always come to the same conclusion. Hoping the more you say it, the easier it would be to believe it.   
“Yeah, I know. I- I’ve just been thinking about it lately. I don’t know.”  
“You do that often? Think about us.” It didn’t come out as light-hearted as you intended. Instead, it came out a bit patronizing, and you saw Shawn draw his thumb up to his mouth, nervously. Biting at the little nail he had left.   
“I mean. Yeah, don’t you?”   
“Sometimes.” A lot.   
“What about?” He looks up at you, eyes wide, with hope nervously waiting for your answer.   
“The good stuff. And how it was just, bad timing you and I? Right place wrong time.”   
You were at different times in your life. You were living in completely different worlds, and no matter how hard the two of you tried to bring the two together it never worked. So you decided it was easier to split and keep them separate. It was no one’s fault, and both of you made sure the other understood that. But the idea that Shawn had been harboring guilt over it for all this time broke your heart.   
“I should have thought about you more.” He reaches for your hand, rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb.   
“You did Shawn. The whole time. You still do.” You hated that he did. It made it more difficult to move on, and to start looking at him as a friend again. He was just always so protective over you and no matter how hard he tried he’d never stopped.   
“Not then. I could have done better.”   
“You did the best you could at the time, Shawn. It’s okay.”   
You don’t even realize that you’d both been slowly moving towards each other until you could feel the warmth of his breath brush across your face.   
“Can I kiss you?”   
You looked into his eyes, to see if it was maybe just a slip of the tongue. To see if you could find any sign of regret, but there wasn’t any.   
“Shawn that’s not a good idea.” You whisper, but your eyes are still trained on his lips, and your not making any move to pull away.   
“Maybe not,” he lets out a small laugh, bringing his hand to your cheek, “can I?”   
He flashes you that smirk that’d he’d given you earlier but it feels different. You could never say no to that smirk.   
You give him as mall nod, and before you can even think of changing your mind (not that you really wanted to) his lips are crashing into yours. It’s the same fireworks that you’d had the very first time you’d kissed him, but somehow better. More. You bring your hands up to play with the hair at the base of his neck, and you can feel him smiling into the kiss.    
You pulled away, biting your lip looking up at him, and he’s got the biggest grin on his face. “What are we doing?”  
“I don’t know. But it feels okay? Am I crazy or -” He mumbled pulling himself away, but you pull him back in close.   
“No, no. It- I feel it too.” What you were feeling you couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but you didn’t want to over.    
“Good,” he sigh. He leans down, resting his forehead against yours,“I miss you”  
“I miss you too.” There was no way this was a good idea, and both of you knew that. But he was right here, closer than he’s been in so long. “Stay the night?”   
He pulls back, getting a better looking over your face.   
“You sure?” No matter how bad he wanted to he didn’t want you saying something you didn’t mean, just because you thought it’s what he wanted.   
But both of you wanted the same thing. You thought you were handling it all well. That the break-up was relatively easy on you, but it was harder on Shawn. You knew it was, but you didn’t know how to help. If there was anything that would help. But now, both of you need this. You needed each other.   
You nod your head, biting your lip with a small smile “Please?”   
“Yeah- okay. I can stay.”   
You just wanted him. Just another cuddle like you use too. 


End file.
